Looking Glass: OK, granny, there’s no need for police involvement

A grandmother called the cops in Portsmouth, Ohio, at 11:30 p.m., and a said she received a picture of her grandson on the Grant Bridge threatening to jump off. Police caught up with the kid about 5 minutes later, and he said he was never anywhere near the bridge and that he’d simply turned off the location service on his phone so that granny couldn’t track him.

I DID IT AND I’M PROUD OF IT! After learning that her boyfriend was having an affair with a married lady, a woman in North London trashed his red Citroen C2 car, spray-painting obscenities all over it, and, just so there wouldn’t be any question about who did it, the woman signed off her handiwork with: “My girlfriend did this.”

I KNOW HOW THIS MUST LOOK, OFFICER: Sheriff’s deputies in Humboldt County, Fla., came upon a man passed out in his car with the motor running. He had a loaded gun on his lap, and a search of his vehicle turned up methamphetamine, heroin and three counterfeit $100 bills.

SO ARREST HIM, NOT ME! A man who was pulled over for drunken driving in Gillette, Wyo., claimed his 4-year-old son, who was sitting on his lap, was the one doing the driving.

A THIRST SO GREAT IT CASTS A SHADOW: In a desperate, after-hours bid to get more booze, an extremely intoxicated man ripped the glass front door off of a supermarket in North Ayrshire, Scotland, and staggered through the building knocking over displays as he made his way to the liquor aisle, where police found him and took him away.

MAKE UP YOUR MIND, MAN: After arresting a 54-year-old man in Collin County, Texas, for impersonating a judge, the cops searched his home and found fraudulent FBI credentials.

OH, THAT MAKES SENSE, OFFICER: A frantic young woman called the cops when she had returned home from “a function” at 1:20 in the morning and spotted a suspicious pair of footprints near the doorway of her home in Dunedin, New Zealand. Officers sped to the scene and determined that the footprints were her own.

MAINTAINING A LOW PROFILE: During a drug deal gone bad, a man wearing a clown mask and wielding a machete dragged another man out of a building in Guelph, Ontario, at 2:30 in the morning, but he fled on a bicycle with the machete sticking out of his backpack when his victim broke free and escaped. A witness said the clown eventually realized he was being a tad conspicuous and tossed the machete.

OH, PERHAPS I MISUNDERSTOOD: An intoxicated 21-year-old woman emerged from a bathroom of a convenience store in Umatilla, Fla., “with no pants or underwear on,” and, when a sheriff’s deputy confronted her, she “stated that another deputy told her it was fine to do that.” This was not the case.

EMPTY YOUR POCKETS … VERY SLOWLY! Police pulled over a man in Lincoln, Neb., for driving erratically, and a subsequent search revealed that he had a homemade explosive device in his pocket.

from Boston Herald https://ift.tt/3muJPw9